I see.

I see,
The words floating away from the rims they were supposed to meet, in between the bleak conversation we enact sinking in.
The gales that contained the elements of happiness a morsel or two, yet the heart yearns for the long lost laughter that stretched both, the muscles of my cheeks and the yards of my heart.
Smirk assuring an okay to my formally enquired how-abouts where I answered crying intemperately without letting a single teardrop fall.
The overstays, the shared grins and the silence where I screamed loud without letting my restrained noise out.
The enthusiastically planned meet-ups that kept our gazes locked for hardly more than a moment as every buzz of your phone had something more interesting wrapped in it.
The shared and flaunted playlist over the strongly brewed latte that I hardly entertained, ignoring the song that hummed alone without actually singing the lyrics that had my heart.
And in between all the formally bid goodbyes and pretentiously wore smiles, I seek,
Life that we gradually seem to lose,
The warmth of the relationship that I see settling down; I wish, had followed normal rules of physics,
What love is.
And the search seems to be an odyssey now.

I wonder.

From learning to silence ‘b’ in ‘subtle’ to pronouncing ‘louis Vuitton’ and ‘Gucci’ correctly, I silenced an ocean of emotions behind my painted lips.
From waiting for Diwali to get my favourite coloured frock stitched to spending thousands in Madame and Lee, I tagged my happiness pecuniarly.
From climbing trees to catch gillu and mitthu to getting a thousand natural clicks done amidst the trees, I learned to fake smiles too.
From standing out for a day and on to investigate the mystery behind sun’s ahead, overhead and rear positions to applying a layer of 35++ SPF before exposing myself to sun, I befooled my insecurities well.
From running against the coming waves to counting my footsteps on the drenched shore, I befriended my solitude.
From laughing at, “Do you know what ant told to the elephant that it died?” to reacting HAHA at the memes my friends tag me into,
I wonder,
If I could ever be free.
If I could ever feel.
If I could ever fall and get up again to run wildly against the wind.
I wonder,
If adulting is more difficult or as an adult I’m more difficult.
-APARAJITA TRIPATHI

याद है मुझे…

याद है मुझे आज भी वो रात,
तुम्हारी मौजूदगी की गर्माहट,
हमारी चंद रोज़ी खुशियों की गवाही देती मुसलसल वो बरसात,
तुम्हारी सादगी भरी वो मुस्कुराहट,
कैद थी जिसमें ये रूह, हाँ ठीक वही मर्तबान,
तुम्हारी कही हर एक बात,
साथ मिल कर किये कुछ वादे,
हाथों में हाथ डाले साधे रास्ते एक आध,
ख्वाबों की तख़्त पर बनाया वो मकान,
वो मकान जिसकी एक एक ईंट पे लिखा है आज भी तुम्हारा नाम,
चाहो तो आज़मा लो पुकार के,
इम्तेहान को तैयार खड़े हैं हम सरेआम,
आज लिखते लिखते चलो पूछ ही लेती हूँ दिल में दबी एक बात, वो चाह, एक आखिरी आस,
क्या मिलोगे कभी किसी रोज़ इत्तेफ़ाक़ की उसी मोड़ पर? दोहराओगे उन्हीं कहानियों को मिल कर फिर एक बार? करने दोगे मुझे उसी मुस्कुराहट पर ऐतबार? मिल के लिखेंगे ख़्वाबों के शायराने हज़ार,
चलो गुनगुनाएंगे उन्हीं नग़मों को बेख़बर,
अधूरा जो रह गया है दिल के किसी कोने में कर लेते हैं आज उसे मुक़म्मल।

मेरा अक्स?

आईने में देखा तो एक अक्स नज़र आया,
धुंधली उन यादों का जिन्हे ख्वाबों की खूबसूरती के साथ पिरो रखा है मन के किसी कोने में,
अनकहे उन अल्फ़ाज़ों का जो आज भी एक काश की सरसराहट के साथ रूह को झकझोर जाते हैं,
उलझे उन जज़्बातों का जिनके पास शब्द तो हैं पर आवाज़ नहीं,
अधमरे उन ख्वाबों का जो ज़िम्मेदारियों के बोझ तले दब के हर दिन दम तोड़ रहे हैं,
अनसुनी उन फरियादों का जिन्हें आज फिर अपनी किस्मत को एक बार आज़माना है,
बेतरतीब उन किस्सों का जिन्हें लिखने बैठे थे कहीं किसी मोड़ पर हमदोनों पर शायद उसकी स्याही बीच मे ही खत्म हो गई,
अनसुलझे उन सवालों का जिनका जवाब ढूंढते हुए ज़िन्दगी इस रफ्तार से आगे बढ़ी कि आईने में खड़े उस अक्स में मुझे मुझसे ज़्यादा मेरी लाचारियों की झुर्रियां दिखाई देती हैं।

Take me to a place.

Take me to a place,
Where promises meet the efforts.

Where sorrow meets the words.
Where complaint meets the conscience.
Where adulthood meets the innocence.
Where sufferings rhyme,
Where, even the the broken soul doesn’t whine.
Where celestials I find solace in.,
Where stellar healing is the ointment to each suffering.
Where tears stream yet soul doesn’t haze,
Where in an open field of optimism my soul does graze.
Where happiness needs no reasons,
Where her loving tippet warms you in all the seasons.
Where the best thing I could befriend is my solitude,
Where the song of merry has no interlude.
Where every expression and word indubitably seem real,
That’s the heaven or hell where the soul longs to indwell.

Yes, I am a girl.

Yes, I’m a girl and I’m not trying to justify my body language nor am I positioning the rights of a feminist on the top but
Yes, I was questioned always, even when I was right.
Subservience was legitimized as my trait ever since I felt this world.
Every time when I was buckled under by his lecherous eyes, I was asked to adjust my dupatta well.
Every action of mine substantiated the height to which I’ll hold the name of my family.
I was asked to cross legs while sitting, speak amicably yet not solitously.
Every time I’d to hide my period stain like a murder blot.
I was asked to gallop my cramps because letting it out is a bitter sin.
Yes, I get my body scanned by their lewd gaze day in and out even when I put my baggiest of clothes on.
Yes, I’m a girl and I have beautiful synonyms, call me maal, patola, bomb, bitch, hoe or a girl? May be, let yourself decide.
Yes, I’m questioned on the extension of the Roti’s that I make and the smiles that I couldn’t fake.
Yes, I’m a girl and I’ll stand and question your authority if it calls for, call me stubborn. Okay!
Remember, I’m a girl and if you accuse me of being a feminist if I know and can raise my tone up and against your authority, humanism needs to be checked then.

Miles ahead.. firm and unbreakable.

She travelled, trudged the grasses that once were the reminder of the area she’s confined in.

Walked through the bleak chambers of her heart that kept her vision captive.

Moved ahead, lancing the haziness caused by the droplets that once traced the extension of her cheeks every now and then.

Legged it, gasped the smoke of her half burnt desires that once was the sigh after her every failed story.

Broke loose from the moonlit vestiges that implored her to get along with the norms she’s leaving behind.

And now, when she knows what it takes to reconcile the edge of her lips to her dimpled cheeks, you want her retreat? Sorry but she’s miles ahead.

Firm and unbreakable.

-Aparajita Tripathi

All that I craved for was…

I never wanted to be a character of your novel but an inked odyssey of your words left unspoken.

I never wanted to be the star of your life but your inner star gazing novice.

I never wanted to be the light of your life but a glistering ray to hew the gloom you hid within your bosom.

I never wanted to be a smell of a splendiferous bouquet of flowers but a soothing petrichor.

I never wanted to be the drizzle of ephermal joy but a downpour of eternal bliss.

I never believed in any space but being the aura of one another.

In a world so materialistic I believed in nothing but something very realistic for which, I afflict no more!

-APARAJITA TRIPATHI